Family, Gratitude

A Love Letter

Retirement Reflections

“In life it is not where you go—it’s who you travel with.” Charles M. Schultz

Today is my sixteenth wedding anniversary. As the number of years does not adequately speak to my depth of emotion, or the lifetime of adventures that my husband and I have shared, I almost didn’t include it. The main reason that I retired relatively early (or at least prior to being eligible for a full pension) was this man. I’m going to do my best not to sound corny in this post.

For some inconceivable reason, I have been blessed to meet and marry the most incredible person that I have ever known. A devoted father, a loving son and sibling, a cherished friend, a gifted athlete, a talented lawyer and an unbelievably amazing husband–Richard is all of these things. (I hesitate to mention this, but…he is also incredibly hot!) Thoughtful, kind, and generous in every fibre of his being, Richard is the steady arrow to my many ups and downs. He is someone with whom I can equally laugh and cry. I trust him more than I trust myself. Although he knows the true secrets of my inner geekdom, somehow, quite miraculously, he says this makes him love me even more. Not that his life has always been easy, but If there is a next life, and I was given the chance to be anyone whom I have ever met, read about or heard of, and profoundly admire, I would unquestionably choose to be Richard (wait a minute, does mean I would be married to myself? Yikes!!).

The research that I have read on happiness often highlights the gift of gratitude and not taking things for granted. I loved my job…and there was a lot to love, which combined with my driven personality, meant days, evenings and weekends diligently on task, focussed on work. I did not want to risk, for one more day, how long Richard and I would have this time together. So, with an eleven-year age difference between us, when Richard was ready to retire, I wanted to be right there beside him.

Remember the dreaded retirement research that I mentioned in my last post? It was actually the research based on the effects of retirement on marriages that frightened me the most. What I read recounted horror story after horror story of seemingly strong marriages that fell irreparably apart in retirement. The top cited causes included too much sudden togetherness, too many mismatched expectations and one too many chiefs (especially when both partners had previously held leadership roles in their careers). In article after article, the writers drove home the point that the glossy coloured vision of happy couples in retirement golfing together on exotic, lush greens rarely matches the retirement reality.

Is there an anecdote or preventative medicine to help counter the above? Ironically, although I am the educator, it is Richard who has become my teacher. He has taught me about unconditional mutual respect, accommodating one another’s feelings and honouring each others’ emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual needs. We chose to retire at the same time so that together we could create a lifestyle that suited both of us equally, openly discussing areas of compromise with which each of us believed we could live. We balance the activities that we do together, and the activities that we do alone, or with other friends, consciously discussing and adjusting as we go. For us, this has worked so far (knock on wooden desk here). I could not be happier, or more grateful.

So Richard, I write this post as a gift to you commemorating our sixteenth wedding anniversary. You have profoundly enhanced my life rendering the written language an inadequate tool to express the full expanse of my love and gratitude. Please know that these words, no matter how imperfect, are from the bottom of my heart.

 

Published by Retirement Reflections

Prior to retirement, I lived and worked in Beijing China for fourteen years (Middle School Principal/Deputy Director at The Western Academy of Beijing). Leaving international life behind, my husband and I retired to Vancouver Island in June 2015. To document both this transition and our new adventures, ‘Retirement Reflections’ was born. I hope that you enjoy reading these reflections, and will be willing to share your own.

34 thoughts on “A Love Letter”

  1. Donna, I am so enjoying reading your blogs. I just happen to be doing blogs with Grade 10 at the moment. We have some key descriptors for great blogs: genuine, honest, meaningful, relatable, and engaging. Your blogs are all of these things. The happiest of anniversaries to you and Richard!

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  3. Happy anniversary guys! This post is so beautiful and, I must say, I think the greatness runs in the family! So grateful to be with my Wageman man too! 😛 Best to you guys and cheers to more years of adventure, love and happiness.

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  5. Nicely put, Donna. Scary, isn’t it? I’m sure we will all find some balance after a period of adjustment! As you rightly say, it’s the mutual honour and respect that is important. A hug to you both. xx

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  6. Happy anniversary Donna (and Richard of course!) You are both very blessed!! I’m enjoying reading your blogs, especially as I can relate to all the stuff about retirement (well, getting ready to retire!). Love that Schultz quote and photo! You are definitely living in an awesome part of the world!

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    1. Hi, Louise – Thank you so much for stopping by. I just finished reading some of your previous posts. Such incredible adventure. Very inspiring!

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  11. Oh, Donna. This is giving me goose bumps. I am so incredibly happy for both of you. That is love in the first degree! What a wise decision to retire together and spend this “free” time in each other’s company. I think it is very important to communicate and to find a balance between shared and common activities. You seemed to have all this under control!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Liesbet. Every single day I wake up amazed at how lucky I am. I know that that sounds like a Hallmark Greeting Card, but it’s very true!
      We’ll all be thinking of you tomorrow…and saying great things about you!

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  23. What a wonderful post! So happy 2 such lovely people found each other and continue to grow and thrive in each other’s love. Happy anniversary, my friends!

    Deb

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