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A Bad Day at the Beach

Retirement Reflections

Only three days ago, I posted about our morning walks to the ocean. Coffees in tow, scores of wildlife and a comfortable lack of crowds.

What a difference a couple of days can make.

This morning when we headed off, it was cold but dry…with a couple of pesky dark clouds on the horizon. Still, we continued. We treated ourselves to coffee and freshly baked muffins. Grey skies couldn’t ruin our morning.

As soon as we hit the beach, the rain began at an increasingly steady pace. We took shelter at the covered end of the boardwalk, sitting on a small but ample ledge. There was plenty of room to keep a safe distance from anyone else passing by. Or so we thought.

Soon the crowds began. Okay, perhaps six other people…but still! With our large (and incredibly timid) foster dog as the main attraction, I became concerned about our sudden lack of personal space. I answered questions politely and squirmed tighter into the ledge. Anyone could see that I was uncomfortable. Again, so I thought.

Eventually, the mini-crowd dispersed, and we were back on our own. Had we left right then, it still would have been a good day at the beach. Past tense.

Suddenly, one of the women who had been part of the group of six returned solo. She looked friendly and kind. She made quick conversation and asked if she could pet our dog. As politely as I could, I replied that we were asking others not to do so. Not wanting to always throw Richard under the bus, I gently added that we were being cautious as we are both immune-compromised.

Instant fury!! You swore that I had denied her a fundamental human right, or hurled insults about her mother.

Verbally pouncing, she shrieked, “Oh, so you believe all the government hype?!” Her eyes were like daggers.

Definitely being a “flight, no fight” kinda gal, I shrunk further into the ledge, waiting for this to be a joke…or to simply pass.

But Richard — absolutely no flight in this man, confidently and assertively stated, “Government hype? I don’t think so.”

That unleashed more verbal outpouring on her part, most of which my stunned brain simply could not keep up with. She ended in a huff, saying, “Don’t believe me? Google it!”

Now there’s a reliable source.

She then dramatically stomped off.

So my soul-soothing morning at the beach? Totally ruined.

But Richard quite enjoyed it, continually coming up with interesting arguments all of the way home.

As for our dog, her wagging tail suggested that this was just another perfect morning out…only wetter!

Photo by Eutah Mizushima on Unsplash

 

 

 

Published by Retirement Reflections

Prior to retirement, I lived and worked in Beijing China for fourteen years (Middle School Principal/Deputy Director at The Western Academy of Beijing). Leaving international life behind, my husband and I retired to Vancouver Island in June 2015. To document both this transition and our new adventures, ‘Retirement Reflections’ was born. I hope that you enjoy reading these reflections, and will be willing to share your own.

135 thoughts on “A Bad Day at the Beach”

  2. I’m sorry to read this, but not entirely surprised. Both by the crazy disgruntled woman and by Richard’s response to her tirade. She was wrong and scared, he was right and fearless. I know whose example I’ll emulate should I need to do so.

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    1. Thank you for dropping by. Truly, I could have done without this drama this morning. Though, it did provoke quite a lengthy and meaningful discussion between Richard and me. Richard (wisely) thought that the incident was a good reminder not to be complacent. ‘People not getting it’ can appear anywhere, not just at a distance on the evening news.

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    1. Hi, Roger – I greatly appreciate your comment. I’m sad to hear that this also happened to you in Parksville. I was hoping that it was a one-off. As we had briefly chatted with this woman previously, I was totally taken off-guard. Richard and I have very different versions of ‘not taking the bate’. Makes for interesting conversations! 😀

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  7. That really annoyed me! Even if she didn’t agree with your decision, she had no right to be disrespectful of the choice you made.

    Some people’s children…….

    Don’t let it ruin your day, she’s the one with the bad manners!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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  8. I can’t add anything to what has already been said. For the record, I am thankful that I am in Canada and have the rational and calm government that we have.

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  9. Oh Donna! Sorry to hear about your morning…I had one too! I guess those sorts of people are everywhere. Mine was sorta similar…an old white guy practically ran me over at the Farmer’s Market. Thom was in shopping (with mask on of course) and I was holding Kloe. A group of four…led with the old white guy without a mask, charged toward us…I moved out and around to get away from him and he altered his course to go down the walk way I was now standing on. I said something like “Please stay away from me” and he was like “what?” Then I said “I moved to stay away from you and you still followed me–without a mask.” Well he just ignored me at that point and kept walking but when all four of them past his wife said, “What’s your problem?” I tried to walk away–I really did. That’s when she said “Oh sure, just walk away!” WTH? Yep, I took the bait, so she and I had a few words while I told her her husband was rude and inconsiderate and she insisted he was too a “caring” man!!! Finally better sense took hold and I walked away (again) before coming to blows! Meanwhile, Thom was finishing his shopping totally oblivious. But yeah, it did take me a while to calm myself down. And like you and Richard, on the way home we discussed all sorts of things I SHOULD HAVE SAID. But I think the one I will remember, is, “don’t bother to argue with stupid!” Let’s not let those people ruin our otherwise good experiences! ~Kathy

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    1. Hi, Kathy – For some unknown reason your comment was in my spam folder. WordPress sometimes has a way of finding our last nerves! 😀
      I’m so sorry to hear that you had a similar, frustrating experience. At a time when so many are stepping up, doing the right thing, and showing extraordinary kindness, it is so disappointing that a few selfishly choose to spoil this for others. I view situations like these, the same way that I view blog trolls. Engaging with them simply makes things worse and is a total waste of good energy! See you Thursday.

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    1. Hi, Janis – Were you listening to our conversation on our way back home? Up until this point, everyone in our community has shown nothing but respect and consideration for each other. I would like to think this was a one-off. Then I received an email from one of our sons, saying people had been protesting on the streets of Vancouver to demand their freedom back. Good grief!

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    2. I was quite surprised yesterday to see protests in Toronto. I thought we were all getting “it” and that we understood the gravity if the situation. Apparently not.

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      2. Staying very well. It’s a great time to live rural and other than an incident at the car wash it’s all been good. I feel blessed really as we have so much space.
        I just can’t believe the woman you encountered. I’m with Richard — I would have had a few things to say to her for sure. Maybe not as polite as I could have been given her slant. So many of my friends and colleagues are on the front line and it’s not a picnic out there. The death tolls in most countries is a real thing and not some pretend number. Oops — preaching to the choir! Sorry will get off my soap box!

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      3. Hi, Bernie – The situation is so very real. That’s what makes this type of experience so demoralizing. I’ve tried several times to visit your blog but cannot get in. Can you resend me the link?

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  13. Congrats to Richard. Sorry you had to put up with that selfish idiot. People like that are a direct threat to your health, no different than someone with measles being out in public. Wonder what she would think about the “hype” if she finds herself in an ICU bed with a breathing tube stuck down her throat and into her lungs?

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by. After a situation like this, I often wonder what I should have said. In this case, I truly think that there was nothing that I could say. If she had stuck around, Richard would have beaten me to it anyway!
      I greatly appreciate your support and clarity.

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  14. When I first read the title, I thought “How can there possibly be a bad day at the beach? Donna’s gonna tell me there is no such thing!”
    And then I read your post….so sorry you and Richard had to experience such rudeness (and idiocy). I guess there are jerks even in “Paradise”.😉

    Deb

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  15. Hi Donna I hope you are feeling okay now as reading your post I could tell you were quite upset by the experience. I would like to say that this woman has been in isolation too long and feeling the strain. Unfortunately, though, I think that perhaps from her comments she generally behaves this way. Sending you a big hug and cudos to Richard for standing his ground. Take care and perhaps tomorrow will be a better day at the beach. It has started raining here too. On a brighter note, we are having a Virtual Birthday party for Ethan my grandson who is 6 today. Where has that time gone??? xx

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    1. Hi, Sue – How is Ethan 6? He was just a toddler! Enjoy the party!
      And thank you for being you. I definitely could have done without this morning’s beach drama. Still, the whole incident was filled with important lessons.

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  16. You got me at “the beach”. I haven’t been in six weeks! They told us about four weeks to go….sigh.
    Sorry it was ruined for you and her.

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    1. Hi, Janette – Thank you for adding this important perspective. I am incredibly grateful that we are still able to go to the beach, and walk nearby trails around our home. You give a great reminder not to take our everyday lives for granted.

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  18. Oh my, Donna! I can totally imagine how that woman threw you off! Crazy talk. Yet, there are so many uneducated people around, who are oblivious and selfish and lack common sense at the same time. Imagine that combination – just like that woman. I can also imagine Richard going on the offense. Good for him. I don’t like confrontations either, but if people like her never hear the truth or are confronted with a different opinion, they could just go onto their merry stupid way forever.

    Anyway, I didn’t see this particular end coming, but I have experienced feeling “pushed to the edge” these days, when walking our dog and trying to social distance on walking paths. Some people just don’t care and offer us no space, as we single-file it past them.

    Twice, we had another dog run towards Maya off leash and then have its owner within a foot of us, pulling the dog back. And once, someone asked whether our dog was friendly. I said:”Yes, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to pet her right now.” That was followed by a baffled look as well.

    Raining and cold here too. I wish spring would hurry up! Sending hugs and smiles your way!

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    1. Thanks, Liesbet – Once again, you are very wise. Up until now, we have been very lucky with the routes that we have taken for our dog walks. Richard is off on the afternoon walk right now. Hopefully he has not gone looking for that same woman. That man does love a good debate. 😦

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  19. You mean she doesn’t believe there is a pandemic? Unbelievable!! Of course here in Spain, the beaches are closed and we can only take our dog out one at a time and only within 100 meters of our house. It is policed and everyone is complying. It’s working as our numbers are dropping daily. Sorry to hear this ruined your lovely day. Give the dog a virtual pat from me. xo

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    1. Hi, Darlene – Yup, I was completely stunned. Regardless of the reason, if someone asked me not to pat their dog, I would politely comply. For a moment there, her body language suggested that she was going to sneak a pat in regardless. So glad that did not happen. (There is no way that she could have done so without being mere inches from me).

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  20. People can be horrible, Donna, and this pandemic brings out the worst in people because there is no one to blame! My S-I-L, an attractive black woman, who lives in Spokane, said a man starting screaming at her in the grocery store parking lot accusing her of bringing covid-19 to the US! What?? There will be better days…you just need a spicy comeback for next time 🙂

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  21. Seriously? I mean seriously? Some people have absolutely no idea – but then again, in some cases what they’re hearing is…but don’t get me started on that one. Give your foster pooch a pat for me…sometimes I wish we could all have the same outlook as our dogs.

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  22. The “entitled” people is what I refer to people like the woman you both, unfortunately, came across. They want to do something so bugger all rules and people’s space. For this reason, I train in areas where I have plenty of space as it is quite depressing coming across those that don’t make an effort to contain this virus. As easy as 1 2 3, keep your distance. Put a sign on the dog, beware I bite stupid people, well, perhaps not 🙂

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  23. It’s certainly a strange world with strange people Donna. I can picture you sitting there squirming trying to get away from the ‘crowd’ and then to have this woman scream at you would have been awful! I feel for you and I understand Richard’s response, although I don’t know what I would have done in the same circumstances. Unfortunately it take all kinds and I worry there are many more like her out there! Take care.

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    1. Yup – scream she did. Very bizarre.
      Ironically, just before we left for the walk, I read an email from the SPCA citing evidence that companion animals have tested positively for COVID-19. Of course, I would never cite that research to a person like that. She would never believe it anyway.

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  26. Well, that can take the stuffings out of you! I hate confrontation first thing. I wish when people disagreed, they would just walk on by instead of throwing a hissy fit. Did she think she would change your minds with anger? Never works. Richard did good!

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    1. Hi, Kate – Your comment made me smile out loud. “Take the stuffings out of you.” That line still makes me giggle as I type this.
      It was very strange indeed. If I was reading this post, and had not experienced it personally, I would have thought that I had missed something. Nope. Instant anger to a polite and personal response (honest). She had tons of opportunity to simply walk away (and then murmur like crazy under her breath, if she felt so compelled). Still not sure why she didn’t choose that option.

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  28. Oh my, what a day. I hope you’re feeling ok now, Donna. Kudos to Richard for staying cool and assertive. I’m sending you a good tea with some tasty treats for the evening, and a virtual pat for your foster dog.

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  30. Sad that some people think this is a joke! They are the ones that make me shake my head!? Well we will all do our part to stay social distancing and hopefully we will all be back to some type of normal again soon! Take care….

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  31. I think I’m more like you than Richard. I had someone (I barely know) say in conversation that everything was just so much hype and people die all the time without shutting down everything. I just kinda ignored the comment… but it made me think, “I definitely don’t want to know this person any better”! I just don’t understand how some people don’t get it…but I guess that’s the scientist in me…sitting in the worst hit country of the world right now with thousands of people demanding thing to re-open. Sigh. I know personally, I’ll be doing the social distancing, including mask wearing in public, for a long while.

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  32. Everyone seems to react differently – the majority of us are doing the right thing (whether we’re compromised or not) but there’s always the idiot factor and those who think they know best. “Friends” of our still go into town for a coffee every morning at the shopping centre and are most put out that they can’t sit at their usual table! Just stay home or stay outside – stop trying to pretend you know better than the experts! Glad you and Richard held your ground – but it would have been quite confronting I’m sure xx

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    1. Thanks, Leanne –
      I agree that everyone needs to act within their comfort level. But we also need to respect the comfort level, and the health, of everyone else.
      I believe that most of us our doing that. At least, that’s my hope! 😀

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      1. Hi Donna – when I re-read my comment I hope you saw that the “stop trying to pretend you know better than the experts!” was directed at my idiot friends who still want to go out for coffee (and not at you!) It’s not about the individual and the treats we’re missing out on, it’s about the greater good and respecting those who are more at risk – and that woman getting cranky shows that there is still a great deal of intolerance out there to the needs of others – but a lot of good people too (and that’s what I hold onto!)

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  33. My first visit to your blog. Goodness! How terrible for you. I thought only where I live in Georgia and Tennessee we had some brained washed people like that. I am sorry they are out west in you beautiful surroundings. I visited Vancouver Island three times and just loved it.

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    1. Thank you so much for visiting. I’m glad that you’ve had a chance to visit Vancouver Island. I love sharing it with others. As my husband wisely pointed out, we can’t point fingers and say that ‘people who don’t get it’ live somewhere else. They are also right here in our own small town. Together we need to figure out how to safely, and respectfully, support each other. 😀

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  34. Well, ya know the internet never lies 🤣 I could use a little bit of that rain right now. Sounds refreshing as I sit in souring temps and not a cloud in the sky 🥵

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  35. Oh dear, I can’t understand the anti lockdown folks. Here in the UK, the media is saying we are becoming fed up and have started to grow weary of the restrictions but yesterday’s statistics and statements say otherwise. Stay safe and enjoy future walks. 🌞

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  36. “Government Hype” ???
    I so did not want to know we had home grown idiots like that. Ugh! Stupid is everywhere.
    Switching up your walk is a good idea. These self-isolation days are hard enough. Who needs the added stress of confrontation with your morning coffee?

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  37. Sorry this happened to you, Donna. Her “Google it” retort reminds me of how a former provocative Fox News host (Glenn Beck) would end his nightly rants: “Look it up,” knowing full well none of his viewers would. “Google it” is likewise shorthand for “just believe what I’m saying.” 🙄. – Marty

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    1. Hi, Marty – Funny you should mention ‘looking it up’. When I got home, I did just that. Well-regarded veterinarians, as well as the animal shelter who is ultimately responsible for our foster dog, say ‘do not let people outside of your home handle or pet your dog or cat during COVID isolation’. Full stop.
      Glad to remind myself that we weren’t crazy.

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  38. Good grief. The crazies are multiplying and walking among us.

    I wish I had more Richard in me. I would have been paralyzed with you on the ledge willing this unprovoked verbal assault to go away. Why, or why, do the crazies insist on engaging with us?!!

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  39. Donna, I have to laugh, even though this is more sad than funny. When I take my morning jog through the neighborhood, I go out of my way to avoid groups of “not so social distancing” walkers. You should see the looks I get as they pass. The other day I was trapped on the sidewalk with on-coming traffic and no place to go. I ducked my head down, pulled up my tee shirt to cover my mouth and nose and scurried by. I heard a few very audible OMG’s as I passed. Mind you, I know all of these ladies and am trying to withhold judgment as to whether they are selfish or stupid, but I suspect it is a bit of both. I might just decide to stay in perpetual isolation after this is done. 😉

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    1. Hi, Suzanne – These types of experiences are so frustrating…and so unnecessary. Sadly, I agree that they arise from a combination of selfish + stupid. Although I am sure that the woman I met yesterday would deny both labels.

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      1. Of course, through her eyes you are the one behaving irrationally. She will tell her friends about the crazy lady at the beach who wouldn’t let her pet her dog and make it sound like you were the offending party. It’s the way of the world and getting worse.

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  40. Good grief, Donna, Darn! It is too bad how one bad apple spoils the whole bunch. I am hoping she is part of a minority group, yet this bad energy would really sit with me. You have likely heard this before, ‘do not let people like that rent space in your head.’ Yes, the positive is how your dog had a perfect, wet morning.🙂 Huge Hugs from me to you to offset the bad karma.💕 xx

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  41. Hurrah for Richard. People with no sense of responsibility and insist on believing what conviences them need to be challenged. Mouthing off accomplishes nothing.

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  43. People … they can be so stupid, thick and totally selfish … just feel for you – I’d be mortified too … but a man’s take – Richard … I guess it shows the differences between us when we react. Rain – wonderful … we’ve just had some … take care and hope peace returns … and so glad one member was a happy tail wagger! Take care and stay safe – Hilary

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    1. Hi, Hilary – Thank you for your kind and wise comment, as usual!
      Yup, there’s lots that we can learn from dogs. This morning we switched up our walking route. Not only were there no hassels, anyone we did see thanked us when we moved aside to give them ample distance. So true not to let one bad apple spoil the bunch! 😀

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  44. arrrghhhhh, it takes all kinds. I wonder what got triggered in her that someone denied her petting your dog … strange … but maybe her usual response to someone saying no is a bullying one …

    Hope the memory is no longer with you Donna.

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    1. Hi, Susan – I too wondered what triggered her strong reaction. Our dog is very cute…but still, not the end of the world if you couldn’t pet her. I almost wished that this lady was a blogger so that I could read her point of view from a safe distance. Then again, perhaps not.
      Hope you and your family are staying well.

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  45. There are so many crazy people out there, Donna. I think there are more now than before the pandemic started. However, when we’re told that maybe injecting ourselves with disinfectant may help, not to drink Corona beer, or to take a dip in the sea because salt fixes everything, I’m not surprised there are people out there who believe everything they hear and think that what is going on is all fake news. What I am surprised by is how many of those people there are.

    And as many have said in the comments, don’t let this woman or anybody else like her take over your brain. Forget about her and her beliefs in fake news.

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    1. Hi, Hugh – All of the strange cures that you have listed, show just how desperate some people have become. You’re right abut the crazies out there. I just need to focus on all of the heros, and everyday folks who are stepping up (instead of stepping out). I greatly appreciate your comment.

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  46. Some people think they are entitled. I’m not sure all of everything we’re hearing about it being so bad is true as we hear so many conflicting reports…however, I will be safe and wear my mask and I do not want anyone coming up close to me.

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  47. Donna, great story! For the record, I think your dog has it right. Tail wagging and all, a beautiful day it was. I am in your husband’s category of arguing back but of course it is futile. What I find particularly interesting about your story is that regardless of COVID-19 as a justification, surely it is your right to not allow someone to pat your dog?? This reminds me a bit of the story of our good friend who lives in India with her little girl who is blonde haired and only 2 years old. She is faced with daily throngs of people who swarm over to touch her face, her hair as though she is public property. And it has been a conscious effort on the mom’s part to find the right words to tell people nicely but firmly to back off.

    Still, that would probably ruin my morning too. It is really interesting how everyone is interpreting the virus the way they want to and how much that changes day to day and what they bring into the assessment. To point at the gov is ridiculous because all one needs to do is watch world news and see that it is not a governmental view point in Canada, or the U.S. or anywhere else. It is a global reality.

    Great post.

    Peta

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    1. Hi, Peta – Having lived in Beijing, China for fourteen years, I can totally relate to your friend’s story about her blonde-haired daughter. I’ve repeatedly witnessed similar scenarios.
      And, you definitely hit the nail on the head both about our dog’s attitude, and about the lady’s response to my question. She asked, I answered. Truly, that should have been the end of it.
      Hope that all is well for you and Ben.

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  48. There are idiots and non idiots in this world, be assured you are the latter and you met, obviously the former on the beach.
    We too are keeping our dogs away from people who would love to pet them and we are not petting other dogs at this time, sad as I love to fuss an dogs. I have to say, everyone we have come across has been understanding of this. I guess you were just unlucky to come across an idiot 🙂
    We were walking yesterday and met some stunning horses who were so friendly, coming to the boundary to say hello, but we resisted, horses were a little miffed at the lack of attention I have to add.
    I love a walk on a rainy or stormy beach. That header photo is fantastic! Hope you’re both well, Donna.
    Stay Safe x

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    1. Hi, Sam – Thank you so much for stopping by. I agree that most companion animals are not loving the social distance thing. Except for perhaps our dog, she is quite timid. We still continue to pet her when she is looking for attention. Of course, we wash our hands fully afterwards.
      Hope all is well with you.

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  49. Wow, Donna, I was not expecting that! That is just crazy on so many levels. I have been around a few people who seemed unaware of personal space issues and responded by quietly stepping back, but so far I haven’t come across anyone who was argumentative about it. You’d think, even if someone could somehow ignore the reality of what’s happening around us, that we could all be kind and understanding of others’ concerns. I hope you will have many more peaceful walks on the beach without the drama!

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    1. Hi, Christie – Thank you for commenting. We have resumed our walks on the beach. So far, so good! Today was the first day since March that dogs have been allowed to walk on the ocean floor when the tide is out (the restrictions were for Brant Geese, not because of COVID). This has given us much, much more space and was absolutely lovely.

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